Signs To Know Your Dating Standards Are Too High: It’s nice to have some standards. Imagine where we would be if we did not have a particular vision for our lives and our dating lives as well. Yikes. But there’s a big difference between having awareness about what’s right for you and taking things a bit too far in the picky department.
There’s no such thing as perfection (and most of us are incredibly aware of our own imperfections), and yet it’s easy to assume that there’s a perfect partner out there who’s going to come along in total flawlessness. It’s wishful thinking.
No one is perfect, and an ideal relationship is never without its challenges. If you’ve been single for a while and wondering whether there’s anyone out there who’s good enough for you, it might be time to readjust some of your ideas about that the perfect actually means. It might not be easy, but it’ll be worth your time. Here are 15 signs that your standards are just too high.
1. You Have A Huge Deal Breaker List
Some deal breakers are totally legit like “just got out of prison” or something reasonable like that. We’re not talking about that list. We’re talking about deal breakers like “wears scarves” and “laughs weirdly” or other small things that other people might argue against pretty easily. It’s easy to understand why something that annoys you about people might be extra annoying if it was paired with someone that you didn’t like for real reasons, but would you really want one of those deal-breakers to get in the way of someone you’d like otherwise? Maybe a guy is so fantastic and funny that you shock yourself and start thinking his scarf is cute. You won’t know until you know, but in the meantime, it’s a good idea not to limit yourself overly. People who are really ready for relationships tend to focus on the bigger stuff that actually had to do with life quality.
2. Everyone Says You’re Too Picky
If people are pointing out that you’re too picky all the time, then the truth is that they might be on to something. They wouldn’t say it if they didn’t think it. You, on the other hand, probably think that other people are way too loose with their standards and that they spend time with the wrong people. Who’s having a better time? It might depend, but when you really think about it, there’s nothing wrong with dating even if you aren’t actually into all the people. Meeting people can still be interesting and fun, and it doesn’t have to take anything away from you or make you feel threatened. You won’t accidentally end up in a relationship with someone that you don’t like, so what’s the worst that could happen on a totally normal date if you just simply aren’t interested? People who point out that you’re too picky are noticing that there are more people out there that they think you might enjoy then you currently are.
3. You Won’t Date A Guy With A Certain Job
It’s totally understandable why you might not want to date certain types of men too far outside of your comfort level, but you can’t necessarily determine that by their job title alone. Maybe he works as a cashier by day but is working on a novel at night, or he’s an actor, but he’s also starting a small business with his family. Judging someone by their title is particularly a problem on dating sites where it’s one of the only things listed. It’s easy to swipe on by without a second thought. Of course, even if he is truely what he says he is, that doesn’t mean that he won’t have every quality that you’re looking for in a real relationship. Would you really want to pass up the nicest guy in the world just because he’s currently in a job position that you wouldn’t choose for yourself? Probably not. You might as well get to know someone and see.
4. You Don’t Like It When Guys Like You
No one wants to be hounded right off the bat, and it’s weird when guys are too clingy, but if you dislike it when people express interest or text you too fast, then you might be too picky. When a guy likes you, it’s honestly supposed to be a good thing, and he can’t read your mind on how long he’s supposed to wait between texts. Your pickiness is extended into anyone that likes you because, on some level, you’re trying to make it impossible for anything to work out between you and someone else. You certainly won’t like everyone that likes you but ever to have something real, and there will be a mutual like thing happening. If you don’t seem to be available for that portion, maybe you’re just not available for any type of relationship at the moment at all. That’s okay, but it’s a good thing to know so you can stop dating or worrying about why you’re single.
5. You Compare Everyone To Your Ex
It’s almost impossible not to compare new people to our exes, but if you’re holding your former flame up on a pedestal and measuring everyone up against him, then you might be too picky. The ex probably wasn’t as great as you think he was since you’re no longer together, but for some reason, he feels like a safe measurement tool in your mind. You had him, and now everyone has to be even better than him in some way even to get your attention. You shouldn’t expect to downgrade, but people are so vastly different that it’s hard to compare some aspects of personalities or lives. Doing it can just cause issues. If you’ve already decided that your ex is the greatest man on earth, then it doesn’t leave you much room to get to know people or let them in now do it. This tactic is just another way to make it impossible for things to work out.
6. You Have A “Type.”
It’s okay to have a type.. but if you never stray far away from that and everyone that you date looks the same, then the truth is that you might be a little too picky. When people date clones over and over again, that means that you might be scared of being with someone who doesn’t look like all of your ex-boyfriends. That’s a super limiting place to date from. Think about this for a minute. Why would it feel weird to date a guy with a different hair color/race/body type than your usual? Does something about that frighten you? That can get sort of trippy to think about. But it often comes down to worrying what other people think about who you date or some sort of insecurity that you’re trying to protect by avoiding people and circumstances that trigger it. Be more open-minded, and you’ll be surprised at what changes.
7. Little Things Freak You Out
Are you panicked by an oddly shaped big toe, terrified by a bad joke? Yes, those things can be pretty horrific but do they really have anything to do with the total package you’re seeking? Maybe, maybe not. If a guy is otherwise amazing, but you can’t get over the toe thing, it might be a sign that your standards are just too high. If you’re seeking head to toe perfection (literally), you’re just not going to find it. You might be able to find a physical specimen who’s nearly perfect, but that’s not necessarily better than finding a person with the perfect personality. Keep in mind what really matters, and don’t get distracted by the little things. Imagining if he was grossed out by all your quirks and the little things that might not be 100% perfect about you. You’d be totally offended, wouldn’t you? Of course, you would.
8. You Think The Date Will Suck Before You Even Go
If you insist that a date isn’t going to go well, it might not. Our minds are pretty powerful, and if you just know that someone isn’t for you before you’ve spent any time with them, then you could be right. But what if you didn’t just know that and actually decided to spend some time getting to know them before you made a decision either way? You either go and have the horrible time you were expecting. Or you go and have a surprisingly good time. People who are open to dating normal humans (as opposed to imaginary perfect ones) are totally aware that things could go in any direction but aren’t really concerned about it. It’s not worth potentially affecting the outcome in a negative way to make a decision ahead of time unless that decision is simply to enjoy yourself and see where things go.
9. You Care Too Much About What Your Parents Think
You might be a little too picky if you’re mostly dating in order to make your parents happy. They think they know what’s best for you, and they might have some excellent ideas, but the only person who really knows what’s best for you is going to be you. Naturally, your parents are going to have high standards and expectations when it comes to your dating life because they want you to be happy and have the best of the best. But they also might have some outdated or irrelevant ideas about what that means. It can actually be really limiting to live according to the ideals of other people since so much of the time, that doesn’t actually take into account who you are or what you think about who you are. For some people, it can become an excuse like “Oh, I’d maybe date that guy, but my parents would never approve, so I might as well not.” Or “There’s no way I could date that guy; he’s not going to be good enough.”
10. You Say No To Every Date
Not everyone who asked you out is worthy of your time, but surely some of them are worth a chat over coffee. If you can’t remember the last time you accepted a date, then it’s possible that your standards are just a little on the high side. When you say yes to guys who ask you out, you’re going to open up and relax about the whole thing. Your blinders will come down a bit, and you’re more open to when you do actually meet the right person. Sure, dating can be super weird, and sometimes it’s easier to reject someone from the start (before you’ve even hung out with them or even met them). But you can’t know what’s going to happen every single time, and sometimes, you have just to live a little and have some faith. Say yes to the guys who ask you out because you just have no idea until you try.
11. You Think You’re Too Good For Dating Apps
Your standards are a little too high if you think that you’re too good for a dating app. and that the dream guys that you want to be with would never be caught on those apps, either. The truth is that there are a lot of incredibly successful and good looking people on dating apps because they’re too busy hustling in their career to troll around bars for hookups (and also because sometimes the bar is not the best place to meet someone). Sometimes people just want a hand finding something with a little more substance. You certainly won’t know until you try, but don’t be held by the fact that you think your quality of the person is somehow above that option. That’s not a thing, and if you believe it to be true, your ego might be running the show and making it hard for you to meet anyone. No one is going to think down at you for using an app since the only people who will know about it will be other people who are also on the app. If Tim Alfa could use a dating app, then you can too.
12. You Idolize Celebs
It’s one thing to take fashion inspiration from a celebrity, and it’s another to assume that you should be dating them or comparing your dating life to that of a celebrity. Celebrities are real people, but the world of Hollywood is definitely not always authentic. Thinking that any of that is perfect or even seeing it as an ideal is not a good idea for you or for your love life. A lot of it is straight fantasy, which is why it becomes dangerous when you’re idolizing. The people in your city or town are definitely bound to be just as interesting as the famous faces that you look up to when you really get down to it. Staying stuck in the fantasy part of things is a guaranteed way to make sure that stuff doesn’t work out great. There’s no way that anyone will ever compare with an imaginary idea about how people are supposed to be.
13. You are Super Controlling
Having standards that are too high tends to have something to do with control. Your desire to always be in control is keeping your standards super high and keeping you away from people that you might otherwise know. If you tend to be controlling in other aspects of life or with relationships in general, it’s worth considering whether your standards are a bit high. The thing is that control sort of works for the individual, but it doesn’t really work when other people come into the picture. Your controlling nature might keep your apartment extremely clean, but they might also make other people feel like they can’t relax at your place. That’s not necessarily wrong, but it’s just the way things work. You can’t ever control the way that other people feel about anything, and the only reason we really want to is to make things easier on ourselves. Relationships aren’t always easy.
14. You Have Regrets
If you look back at your dating life and can tell where you should have been a little more open with people, then that’s a good sign that your standards are too high. It’s natural for relationships not to work out some of the time, and sometimes that includes some regret. But things are different if you have regrets because you never gave people a chance, to begin with, and then later saw the fault in your ways. It’s natural to have a one-off regret like “I should have smiled at that guy when we made contact at the grocery store.” It’s something entirely different to have a list of people who you know could be amazing boyfriends.. but you never said yes to the first date. Some of us put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get things right the first time, so we don’t like the concept of dating a bunch of people. But that’s not generally how things go.
15. You’ve Never Had Your Heart Broken
If you’re never had your heartbroken, then it’s possible that you aren’t letting yourself get close enough to people to go through the ups and downs of a real relationship. It’s always possible that you’ve had good reason to be the one who walks away, but it’s also possible that you’ve been walking away before things can get too deep. Maybe you’ve only been dating people that you don’t take seriously because you think you’re just buying time until you meet The One or the person that you really think you should be dating. It’s also possible that you’ve been left and somehow refused to feel your emotions in the process. If those relationships ended, it’s true that there’s probably someone better suited for you out there. Make sure that you’re keeping your eyes peeled and your heart open to what package that person might come in when the time comes. He might seem different than you think, but he just might be the one that you’re waiting for.